As an athlete, and as a person in general, the one thing you don't want to see or do is disappoint the only few people who still believe in you. Once that happens, you can feel it tearing you apart slowly inside, you start doubting yourself, your ability, and if you'll ever be better than now and hope to win them over on your next one.
I've had a lot of those disappointing moments this year, and psychologically it plays a big part for a few days like now, ‘til you get up again and realize it's just another hurdle on the way.
Preparations towards the 94.7 MTB Challenge were not ideal to what they should have been. My coach and I - bless him for being such a patient man- we tried our utmost best to prepare for this race. Let's say if it was any other race I was not going to do it, but it's the Telkom 94.7, the “world champs” of Gauteng; I mean for me just being on the starting line that day was an achievement haha.
As the race started on the first climb I felt I was going to be in deep trouble, but kept telling myself: "I'll feel better in no time, just try to stay as close to the front as possible." And yes I did, but it didn't get better, it got worse. I honestly don't know what happened as I felt good the previous day; it was like I was not there.
Passing the 94.7 finish line this past week I saw all of those disappointed faces and yes it hit me, but I'm the only one who knows how hard I fought out there, how much I had to ignore how bad my body felt for some reason and how much I had to try believe in myself even when I knew it was over.
Without saying a word, Tebogo got me a beer and seat in the shade. I finished 7/8th overall and 2nd Elite.
A lot of times life doesn't play out the way we hoped it would, our dreams look like they are far from reach, but waking up every day with a purpose gives you a fighting chance.
My dreams are stronger than my reality.
Thanks to everyone for all the support, Kargo Pro Cycling Team, HPC and Lecoq Sportif SA for being with me till now. I wish all those taking part in the 94.7 Cycle Challenge the best of luck.
#MissionSkinnyHulk still on!!!